2021 - a year of uncertainty and self growth.

Hello 2022!

Let's reflect back on 2021.. there were quiet a few scary low moments, I felt like we spent half the year in hospital again.. but there were also tons of good memories that outweighed it all.

We celebrated many, many first moments with the kids, - Harvey coming home to Whyalla after 171 days! -Harvey reaching his milestones - First camping trip for our little man and exploring with our family - Zachary's first year of soccer and Kindy then turning the big five! - oh and can't forget celebrating our special girl, Violet Jean's first party.

Of course, as every year comes with growth and a lot of lessons were learnt as a person and a mother. Everyone's path to personal growth is different, I know it's only up to me to choose which path will lead to figuring out the positive and negative parts of my own personality and being self aware and understanding what is important to be improved within myself.

Since becoming a mum, it has been the hardest but most rewarding achievement I have ever made in life. It has also been an awakening that life isn't just about myself and to become more compassionate and understanding I needed to deal with a lot of demons. Their precious life's depend on me! No one else.

Mental health has been something I've been quiet open about. I have struggled the lowest of lows, especially after Violet was born. But, this year I finally feel like I have made a lot of positive progress in healing.

I personally don't feel like I use my mental health as an excuse because of how open I am but it most definitely plays a huge role in the horrible and toxic person I used to be years ago. I know it doesn't define me, because I can reflect on those moments and see where I need to check myself.

Truly realising you are a toxic person is hard, no one wants to admit that. I believe everyone holds some kind of toxic behaviour whether you realise it or not. The anxieties of realising, make it easier to end up falling and feeling worthless, like a "lowsey" friend or partner but, it's not true...

Everyone is different and what may work for one, may not work for another.. For example, I'm clearly an over-sharer and it's a way of coping by connecting with others where as someone else would prefer to keep their business completely private as a way of coping.. both ways of coping are completely fine. It's so vital to explore and learn about our selves and our emotions to figure out what works for us.

I believe everyone could benefit looking into healing, but whether you actually take the steps to do that healing is up to you. It's all about your mindset and knowledge.. No one is coming to save you and no one owes you anything.

I've silenced myself lately and belittled myself over people I once thought I needed in my life, even after knowing how they truly felt about me.

I deserve healthy normal relationships, I know I do have that and will continue to have that all while being accountable for my past toxic behaviour as painful as it is. I will not let anyone make me feel as though I deserve to be treated any less then the person I have fought to be today.

I know I no longer need these people to be who I am, that goes for family and friends. It hurt, quiet a lot at the time.. especially being able to let go of those relationships. But, I soon realised how much my life was falling into place once I stopped caring, I realised I am finally where I need to be in life to be a better me.

By shedding energies that no longer match my own, I've had to learn a lot of lessons since Harvey's arrival.

So... I can either sit here feeling sorry for myself wondering why or, get up and actually make the effort to make my life easier.. even if it's small steps a day. I have started just by getting into a daily routine with house work and study.

I tell you what! what a difference my head space has been since clearing out so much unnecessary energy, whether it be family, friends or social media...

you NEED to remove it, right now!

and don't even feel bad about it because you will not go anywhere surrounding yourself with the same low energy and people who have no ambition for life or goals.

know your self worth, don't settle for any less, I find even those who try to bring you down to their level, their word vomit is only a reflection on their self and own insecurities that they need to heal. It's not you! I promise.

It's taken me a long time to realise that some energy is just simply not worth it and it's sure as hell not worth the stress or tears. You cannot control the actions of others, but you can control your own.. everything we have is created from within.

we will go through life, meeting many people, loving and outgrowing them. They aren't always going to be the right fit.. it may take some time and hurtful realisations to happen but that's life, it's normal.. its not our job to force others to become what we need.

That doesn't mean it's always your fault, or you're always the one in the wrong. Other people will preach and scream to create this person of you, especially when situations don't go how the expected or when the truth is out. Don't hold that within yourself over someone else story they have created to believe of you. "if your spirit is wounded in anyway, you will attract someone to you whose own energetic wounds will reflect yours."

The person I am today, it's hard to believe I used to be SO negative and close minded. that person no longer exist and what I have created today has come from within, no one helped me get here. I still have so far to go, but have came so far in the mean time. I know my self worth, I know my morals and I definitely know my own truth. I am a good person and I am loved and have been surrounded by many genuine people for years when I felt alone.. honestly, I just never felt good enough for them... That is a horrible feeling, I wouldn't wish upon anyone or mock them for. The most gut wrenching moments in our life open us up to strength and experiences we never thought we could possibly achieve. Just by confronting my past is brave enough, and the first step in the journey to a happier and healthier future.

From 2021 I'm taking away a lot and it's been the hardest, biggest year yet of progress for my family, myself as a person and self love.

Today, I am the happiest I have ever been mentally, I feel like I'm the best mum I have ever been and I feel like my relationship is the happiest it has ever been. what more could I ask for?

I'm looking forward to 2022, I've always giggled over the whole cliché saying "new year, new me" but we are most definitely leaving everything behind and 2022 will be my families year! I just know it!

Catchayaaaa later 2021, here's to manifesting our dreams! xx